BDSM 101

bdsm 101

If you have a partner interested in spicing things up a little with some new toys and you are on board with experimenting, BDSM could be the right choice for you.

If you are a lost man in the sexual realm and are just looking forward to finding where you fit on the broad sexual spectrum filled with a mirage of opportunities, this is for you. Even if you’re just a curious little mind that happened to stumble on our website, you’re probably wondering what the big fuss is. 

Do you remember the movie: Fifty Shades of Grey? If you haven’t seen it, I’m sure you heard about it, since the book was a worldwide hit amongst women. Christian Grey (main character, the Dom) drew out a long-ass contract for the female character and Sub, Ana. She had to sign before they went into his red room, and she got introduced to a new kind of fuckery that was ten folds deeper than the kinks she enjoyed in the beginning.

The point is, you should remember that BDSM is as far from vanilla-missionary intromission. You need to be sure your partner is on the same page as you before things get out of hand. Throw out all the norms you know about sex. The monotonous in and out thrusts where your mind drifted off to the football game last night, How things could have been different if a specific player made a different move or how you missed visiting your gran’s house on the weekends.

You’ll eventually remember you’re thrusting into your partner and will yourself into ejaculation out of necessary boredom and not intense gratification. Let’s look into this sexual art form that would spice up your entire being. Yes, I said it.

What is BDSM?

When learning a new art form, we need to open our hearts and minds to the possibilities that this world might present weird rules, including that it might shake the ground acronyms lay on. There are several dynamics to BDSM. B and D stand for Bondage and Discipline, D and S for Dominance and Submission, S and M for Sadism and Masochism.

All highly unsafe words that no sane mind should be curious to encounter, right? That is the thing about self-exploration; you would be surprised what the body would be happy to enjoy if you let it, but of course, we need to know the basics before hurting our partners irreversibly in this noble quest. 

In the beginning, you might not know what you are into, and your partner would have to help you navigate by giving you a taste of everything – bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, and masochism.

It is advisable to research clubs in your area that specialize in adopting newbies into the lifestyle. They usually give you a list to tick out what you think you are open to and slowly ease you into your new role as a dom domme or Sub.

This is a standard requirement; always remember that your opinion matters in decisions about how you use your body. This is another point where fifty shades of grey failed to portray the real world BDSM lifestyle – Ana was mute to her needs and wants, she went along with all of Master Grey’s kinks and quirks. 

Now let’s talk about the requirements for a good Dom-sub relationship.

Dominant-submissive Relationship

To form a solid D/s relationship, a sense of trust ought to ensue between both parties. We are generally calmer when we know our bodies are in safe hands. It is natural to be nervous when bound by ropes or blindfolded. Still, when you have a good understanding of your proposed partner, it gets easier to enjoy the bliss of the lifestyle.  

Every BDSM lifestyle requires a Dom/Domme and a sub. For some relationships, both partners take turns in being the Sub. However, in others, each person has a permanent designated role. There must always, always be Dom and a sub. You have to learn what suits your role and what role you enjoy more through erotic books, plays, videos, and experienced coaching from members of the BDSM community.

Now let’s look at the first two letters and what they entail.

Bondage and Discipline in BDSM

This is the most practiced form of BDSM; here’s why…it is said to heighten your sense of perception, and every touch, every move, and every action becomes intensified. The submissive is trained to be restrained for this purpose, and the dominant, trained on several forms of restraint. Toys used in this form of BDSM include ropes, chains, blindfolds, bondage cages, and handcuffs.

Discipline is as the name implies, is more focused on behavior modification. This means that if the Dom feels submissive’s behavior is out of proportion, they ought to be corrected; every Sub trained to suit the desires of their Dom.

Discipline entails punishments, and this includes spanking. The humiliation that could be public ( making you crawl around a crowded bar in nothing but your skin). Or it can happen in private (making you drink piss or the other way round if you don’t mind) is just an example.

Bondage discipline is more intense than just the D/s arrangement. It is not for the frail of hearts, but it brings about an intense connection in the D/s relationship that can hardly be swayed. Many vanillas have used blindfolds, which is said to heighten their sexual experiences. Imagine the possibilities that the employment of the Bondage-discipline lifestyle could exploit.

Sadism and Masochism in BDSM

Now here comes the tricky part. Once again, if you want to indulge in any of these acts, read or watch materials concerning your requirements. Ask questions so you can be guided on the right toys and practices for beginners, and also, when it is right to take up advanced practices, you should be appropriately eased into the lifestyle rather than jumping free. 

It doesn’t get better than this: the sadist is the Dom and the masochist, the Sub. The sadist enjoys the art of giving pain, admiring his work on your skin, and derives pleasure from the masochist enjoying the pain being delivered.

Now you may wonder, this is dominance and submission, which is why many are driven from this art form. No, in fewer words, D/s is about staking claims, showing boundaries, controls, “I own this dick” kind of control. While masochism is pain, marveling at the beauty of every arch made by whip, flogger, spank, and electrocution in extreme cases.

Masochism is about watching the spit, gut, and beauty of your partner as they enjoy every form of torture delivered and the glow that washes over them when you deliver enough pain to keep them sated. The BDSM lifestyle is therapeutic. Hardly any line isn’t crossed the sadism-masochism relationship, unlike the Dominant-submissive where the level of pain delivered is controlled, just enough to pass the message. Sadism-masochism knows no bounds. 

Why is BDSM Cherished?

  • BDSM is said to have decreased the incidence of depression and improved mental health. When you have a problem with the way you have handled yourself in recent times and can’t get over how you deserve to be punished in some way. There’s a relief that comes with submitting. Allowing every wave of emotion to wash over you. Do so until the ropes you feel are binding you are no longer psychological but physical. Also, if you have so much bottled-up anger and feel like you need to regain some semblance of control, it is quite liberating to have a submissive dominate. This is no joke; it has been scientifically proven
  • BDSM encourages communication as you must communicate your needs, wants, and dislikes, even through safe words. You eventually open up to discussing your life struggles and progressively feel no need to tuck in a shell. 
  • BDSM boosts your confidence and self-esteem; you feel this tender care or brutal destruction being delivered to every inch of your body could not possibly be out of hate, and there seems to be some beauty you possess that drives your partner wild with craving. If you’re a dom, being able to control one’s reaction is a mind-blowing self booster.BDSM increases the level of connection and intimacy between two people. This automatically builds a more trusting and open, convenient environment for healthy, long-lasting relationships. It is a given that most BDSM practitioners did learn in underground clubs, but when you find a person who communicates and connects with you on that plane, it is an unbreakable bond… a real-life scenario of “we found love in a hopeless place.”

Easing Yourself Into The Lifestyle

Remember to read and watch as many plays as require to know what you’re getting into. After that:

  • Don’t dive in, baby steps.
  • Inform your partner or talk to an experienced person.
  • If they agree, always remember to be honest. It is key
  • Don’t forget to discuss the safe word.
  • Consider starting words before you take the actions.
  • Try some latex clothing to get you into character.
  • Always say it as it is.
  • Don’t try new things abruptly.
  • After is the hugest bite in taking up this lifestyle.

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